Writer's block followed by Mind block leading to laziness causing an unending saga of a stagnant blogspot...in short a WASTE of blogging space. In an effort to inspire myself to write I led myself to believe that maybe the MoJo in the blogspot site was lost and that moving to a new site was essential to infuse in me some new ideas and to rid of the block on my not yet so magical fingers. So followers please continue to follow me at:

http://veenaz.wordpress.com/

Thanks for reading!

One minute it was this gorgeous looking, beautifully carved Strawberry Mousse cake and the next it is a flattened, smashed, tarnished, sad looking mushed THING! Such is the efficiency of Veena the CAKE KILLER.

This was the day I re-joined lab after a scientific burst of information at a conference in San Diego at the Salk Institute ensued by an EXPLOSION of unlimited fun in San Francisco…in short the Gorgeous Mountainous California. I was barely getting over the fact that my teeny weeny vacation (actually any vacation seems less) had culminated and while just about when I was reorienting myself to the CST and the lab premises as opposed to the gorgeous ranges and the Red colored GOLDEN gate bridge my lab-mate informed me of the most enticing and delicate looking, meticulously prepared strawberry mousse cake (reiterations are essential in an effort to assert the beauty of the cake)prepared by the tech in my lab who had recently begun exploring the baking world! My very first instinct was to run amok, get a piece for myself and devour every crumb of it to the best of my capabilities. Instead I chose otherwise…..I decided to be a bit LADY LIKE and wait unto eternity a.k.a let my salivary glands prepare for the big event, suffer before I actually introduce them to something wonderful so as to make them appreciate it better than they normally would. Finally the moment arrived when I could wait no longer, resist no longer and decided to take the plunge. I went into the coffee room, walked to the cake box, and while talking to the person who made it, I tried opening the box but for some reason the box was unyielding making me more anxious than ever. Trying harder to make the box succumb to my pressure was a terrible idea for the box slipped. Trying hard to not let it fall on the ground was even worse for the box toppled even further, went upside down and SPLAT on my shoe. The beautiful Strawberry Mousse Cake NO MORE. There was a momentary 2 minute silence in remembrance of the mighty cake followed by a forlorn face and strings of apologies flying everywhere. The tech gave a shrieky shriek and then went into peels of laughter. Momentarily I thought that watching the cake undergo the drastic transition made her insane and that any moment she would pounce on me and eat me alive. Fortunately I was wrong and she was genuinely amused for there existed “NOONE…..NOONE who could’ve performed such a difficult task to such a perfection” (as stated by the post-doctoral fellow in my lab).

One dire deed sweeps thousand virtuous ones. Killing the Cake flounced every noble act I had amassed in the times of yore. Standing on square one I now wait when I have yet again accumulated a thousand noble acts but this time striving hard to preserve its integrity! Whether or not I would see this plan being victorious is for time to tell.

Kripya Prateeksha Karein Aap Kataar mein hain....Please wait you are in Queue....Were the words that arouse the DEVIL in me while I was reading my cousin's blog and I stumbled upon those last profound words by none other than the literature GOD - William Shakespeare. Here it is:

“How sweet the moonlight sleeps upon this bank.
Here will we sit, and let the sounds of music
Creep in our ears; soft stillness, and the night
Become the touches of sweet harmony.”

- William Shakespeare (Very Romantic and Deep indeed)
For some reason I was constantly smiling while reading this and something in me kept instigating me to translate it into Hindi just to see how Ridonkulous this could sound. Most, if not all the Hi-Tech Hollywood movies get dubbed in hindi because they can't be re-filmed with the Bollywood actors (Thank God for the little mercies) for a valid and a sensible reason that re-filming the very same movie with the Sean Connery likes in Bollywood or the Pierce Brosnan likes in Indian film industry would be nothing less than plain simple ATROCIOUS!!!Having lived in New Delhi for 23years of my life, the very same Bollywood effect (sounds like the El-Nino phenomena right?) forced me so to say to translate this beautiful piece of literature to Hindi. For those who can understand Hindi read it and enjoy it and the Hindi Illiterates just Believe when I say that the translated version is Perfect!!

"Kitni meethi hai yeh chand ki roshni sothey huey is kinaare
Yahaan hum baithenge aur is sangeet ki dhwani ko
Raingne dein in kaanon mein; komal pavanrahittha, aur yeh raat
Banne dein is meethi taalmail ka sparsh"

-Veeliyam Shakespeare


This was the closest I could get to try and break the Writers/Thinkers/Lazy Ass goers/ Blah Blah block that I have been having for over 4 months now!! Alas...not too successful...Until the next time Adios Amigos. :)

Heard of Telekinetic pinches?? Well I heard this term for the first time but I experienced one before terming my experience as one!! Its all in the dreams…you dream funny things, scary things, weird things, dreams within dreams but dreaming that something is happening for real is freaky!!!

The dream from last night was one of its own kind…The basis behind my dream was not only a recent conversation with a friend but also the sense of longing for a break….a getaway from the rigmaroles of day to day life for as long as I can remember now (Time is relative when you yearn for something!!). So....I have a night out at my friend’s place and the next day he rents a car from I-Go car sharing on MY name….hah…One, my friend doesn’t have a license and definitely doesn’t have my username or password for the car sharing site…but of course it’s a dream and dreams are like Bollywood movies where a single bullet can be torn apart into 6 to kill 7 targets!!! Oh well….moving ahead….So we start driving and while driving towards Milwaukee to pick up my friend’s bro , the road I visualize is the Nelson Mandela Road in New Delhi where I have lived 23 years of my life. The fact that I love Delhi a lot can account for seeing the road but, my friend who doesn’t have a license, books a car on my name with God Knows what username and password is driving to Milwaukee on a New Delhi road????? I sense something which can be spelled as W E I R D!!!! Anyways….we reach Milwaukee and my friend goes into his bro’s office and forces him to take a leave by telling a lie that there is a family emergency! We then head to Michigan….YAYYYYYYY!!! Something in me on the way to Michigan shouts out loud that it is a dream and it is not happening for real as a plan as sudden and drastic as this cannot materialize so easily!!! So I tell my friend’s bro to pinch me to make sure I am alive and in a real world and definitely in the car that is headed to a GETAWAY!! My friends start teasing me coz they feel I am being histrionic (like any typical male would call a typical Woman!) but I fight my way out and make my friend pinch me. Well…..GUESS WHAT???????? I feel that pinch in the dream (that’s the telekinetic pinch from my friend living in Milwaukee in my dream) and then feeling elated that I felt the pinch I realize that the trip to Michigan indeed is a reality and not a MERE dream. In that ecstatic moment, I raise my hand extend it forward to grab something in the car and BAM….my fingers hit the wall in front of me HARDDDD…..and this wakes me up to the SAD “REAL” reality that I was indeed dreaming!!! That just proved one thing : That my instincts are DEFINITELY not dead when I am sleeping and that even within a dream my brain can think of ways to convince me that I am in a real world, doing real things, with real people who apparently can pinch me and call me HISTRIONIC and not being just a mere fictional entity. Now the Question is....Do I actually get a REAL GETAWAY????

A Dozen New Year Resolutions to Break at the Advent of the New Year!!


1.Speak less so that the other person doesn’t zone out while I am talking

2.Speak less British words so as to receive less Bewildered looks from the Americans

3.Learn to say Oh my Gaad rather than Oh my GOD or just say OMG for I can save the energy lost in reiterating

4.Speak Slowly for I am not missing a flight

5.Work more to get reproducible negative results

6.Write my lab notebook everyday to keep a track of my progress

7.Read one paper a day on my research topic

8.Take less walks in Snow for a longer face time in the lab

9.Remember not to throw Snowballs on one’s face during a snowball fight for someone might get offended

10.Drink less to have a respectable reputation until I graduate

11.Learn to play and be a Pro at Trivia Pursuit so that atleast 1/10th of me feels like a Pseudo-American

12.Last but not the least…BE NICE to people




New Year Resolution to keep :


NEVER TO MAKE ANY RESOLUTIONS!!

Adrenaline rushes…..is something that comes naturally during winter:

The first snow: Four winters have passed and the first snow of the season always makes me want a snowball fight, take a stroll, look up into the sky and see where the snowflakes are falling from, stretch out my hand to hold some snowflakes in my palm ….. a valiant and yet an unsuccessful effort to appreciate the beautiful architecture of the flakes, take pictures, make footprints on untouched snow laden grounds and then get snow all over my clothes, make snow angels…..least did I know that this adrenaline rush comes with a price (after all nothing in this era is for free???!!!) ….white lines of salt on my trousers and shoes marking my actions in snow, with every new act in snow a new line right above the old one like the annual growth rings on a tree trunk!!!

Ice skating: Looks amazingly simple when you see a “Pro” skating, but the moment you set foot on the ice rink you know how grossly misled you were, similar to the advertisements that give a rosy picture to their viewers!! The first time was painful in multiple respects: I couldn’t get my feet into the mulish skates-third time into skating and the person renting out the skates mentions that I need to be wearing a Men’s 8 size [guess I am a Big Girl ;)]; spent an era contemplating whether the skates are taut enough to secure my feet and not be able to swivel my ankle; difficulty balancing and walking on blades; and then the worst of them all was getting on the Ice laden rink. The first step and BOOM….i crashed…..right on my Bum!! Try getting up yourself…..BAD IDEA…tried that and fell again. Finally my friend came to my rescue and I was back on my feet but this time I was hugging the rails so that I could try and maintain my balance (REALLY????) The first round was interesting for I was trying to understand the rules of skating – You are supposed to skate with your knees bent as if you are about to sit …..man does that sound painful??? Weeeeeeeeeeeeee………Wooooooooo were the gibberish expressions that everyone in the rink heard whenever I was even close to losing my balance. I think that was the reason my friend decided to leave me alone as she felt that she doesn’t want to be associated with a crazy person like me. The second round I was trying to realize my center of balance. The third round and a five year old comes up to me and says “ Hey….do you wanna play with me??” Sweet….Yea…but I barely know how to balance leave alone playing while skating....HAH!! Finally by the fifth round I was trying to skate without support….guess there was an iota of confidence a.k.a “OVER”confidence seeping into me! For about one tenth of a mile my feet were supporting my weight ….. a fraction of a second later and KABOOM….back on ice again! A dozen times my butt was on ice and I was done for the day!! The two other subsequent times that I went, were a year apart, so one could imagine how efficient I would have been on the skating rink! However, mishaps in the rink have still not despirited me....instead have boosted in more energy than ever to rein over ice with mere blades on my feet!!!

A sense of excitement fills my heart

For my eyes get clouded by the snow laden grounds

A strong gush of epinephrine excites every neuron in my body

For my mind plays games as snow falls from far above

A challenge to conquer the impossible inspires me

For I see myself in absolute hegemony of the ice

An awakening of the child in me overshadows my age

For I sense a feeling of Bliss engulfing every part of me

As the snow swathes every speck of the naked ground!!!

At 12 she was Somebody

For she was young and oblivious of what the world thought of her

At 16 she was Just “Some” “Body”

For the world equated her to her peers

At 18 she was Anybody

For she got entangled in the realm of equations

At 21 she was just a Body

For she transformed with every growing second

At 25 she was Nobody

For she was so intimately involved in revamping

That her “Identity” was no more than a mere Mirage!!!

Leaves dried and they wrestled

For they would deride one another

Colors bloomed and so did their friendship

For their squabble led them to discover a bonding

Grounds froze but their adoration kept them warm

For the realization dawned that there was more to it

Flowers blossomed trampling their passion

For an unknown darkness loomed between them

Greenery was all one could see

For the shadows of ardor had long been buried

Never to see the light again

Stumbled upon a book that had been read a couple of years back…..opened a random page and came across this quote that makes more sense to me now than it did when I read it, for I love my independence and do not wish for it to be shattered at any cost!!! Here it goes :

You wait a LIFETIME to meet someone who understands YOU, accepts you as you are.
At the end you find that Someone, all along, has been YOU!!!

Doesn't it even strengthen my views in my previous blog???......Hmmmmm....

Doesn't it seem odd that by just missing out an "R" Friends can turn into FIENDS??

Friends are fun
For they light up your day
Friends are a blessing
For they bring out the best in you
Friends are forever
For you can choose them and count on them for life
Friends are “forever”
For they can forget you and unleash the ties in a whim
Friends are far ever
For they are an illusion of something that is near and dear to you
Friends are the farthest ever
For no matter how close you are to them, it’s the person in you who matters the most

Ever wondered why as kids we were taught moral sciences (that’s what its called in India)..….Probably to make sure that we grow up to be ethically sound, mentally strong, and morally proficient individuals. Would this theoretically based knowledge on moral issues make us better individuals is a question which is a different concern altogether and is left for time to answer!!!
As kids when we were enlightened about any topic, the strict/implied instructions so to say, would be to memorize and remember what was being taught…..not to look deep into the matter….just take what we were being endowed with, since, our reasoning power was close to being non-existent and YET during exams the questions would be so ludicrous that it would make us do exactly what was not insinuated (aka to analyze)! As a second grade kid, confused about what I was learning and what was to make and conclude out of what I was being exposed to and expected to understand and practice in life…I was once posed this question….the only question I vividly remember as the answer to it was considered to be the funniest and the most innocent answer by my family….WHAT IS A PRAYER? Now does this question deal with morality or with religiousness? Was the school trying to make us bend towards God or making us comprehend that only if we answer a basic question as this would we end up becoming true religious practitioners!!??? Unable to make any sense of the question I wrote what a second grade uncomplicated untwisted brain would have finally decided to answer…..A PRAYER IS A PRAYER!!! Isn’t that simple and perfectly explicable?? Probably I felt that my mentors were fools to have asked such a simple question that had no explanation whatsoever except for what I wrote so I was elated and confident that I couldn’t have made a mistake in my “Explanation” for a prayer…..alas….my family didn’t think so as they burst out into peels of laughter on hearing what I had to say and the news of my “Brilliant” and “gutsy” answer spread like forest fire to everyone possible. Was there something to have been swollen with pride about?? Well...looking at the reactions I received, I think I did feel a slight heaviness in my head which wore off the next time I unintentionally committed a foolish act….just 20 some years later though!!!
My close encounters with the American world….the word usage…..the implied meanings….the actual meanings…..the alphabet pronunciation….such as H which here is AEEEH ….sort of like stretched out like when u try and teach a kid who cant speak.....was something I had to adapt to as they would wear me down making me repeat myself endlessly if I behaved obdurate! Not only have I been fortunate in making my family roll in laughter as a kid but also my friends when I was kid + 20years!! Spelling out my last name which almost has all the 26 alphabets in it was torturous (considering it is Krishnamoorthy) with “K” as in Kate, “R”as in Robert…..blah blah….and then finally when it came to “T” I couldn’t think of anything and ended up spurting “ T” as in “TEA” …..HAH....that really helped the representative I was speaking to, to exactly interpret which alphabet I was referring to with my Indian accent to the hard core American ears!!!
Consider it a blunder....an OOPS situation when you end up acting silly after 20+ years of your life, especially in front of your friends coz that becomes your identity for years to come whenever such scenarios are reiterated.
Its happened once…..happened again….to complete the trilogy I am expecting myself to act foolishly yet another time after possibly another 20years.....or before??….a BIG gap for a BIGGER mishap!!!

Being a water sign by birth, my inherent attraction to water bodies not only endangered my life on this planet but also of others who cared about my survival and well being!!! Days when my older sisters went to learn to befriend water, oblivious about what lies ahead of me and enticed by the blue waters, I once sneaked past my parents’s roving eyes…..slowly walked towards the deeper side of the pool and took my plunge….what was I thinking?? That I would float or the fact that water god(dess) would come and save my life?? The fact that such life and death scenarios did not stop even after I risked my existence….am sure at some point would have made my parents wonder whether I possessed SUICIDAL tendencies….least did they know that I just loved water more than my own life and just wanted to test if my love would be reciprocated!! Sometimes I wonder if this was the reason that my parents decided to settle in New Delhi…a landlocked place….which has the “waters” of Yamuna flowing in its suburbs….if one would actually consider calling them the waters since it seemed more of a humongous sewer rather than a river….to make sure and be rest assured that not even in my nearest dreams would I consider jumping into the so called “River” even if I wished to….and probably this is the secret behind my survival and write this blog!!
The very first day when I set footage into Chicago and excitedly told my family that there is a huge ocean equivalent lake – Lake Michigan in the Windy city and numerous beaches, their very instinctive reaction was “Veena, please be careful and don’t go too close to the waters and please don’t jump without giving a thought since there is noone out there to save your life!!!”…Ironical that at times parents treat their kids as kids….who inevitably no matter what, are bound to act impulsively and foolishly and yet at other times we get upgraded to the level of being mature individuals who are expected to act wisely!! After having lived in chicago it seems like my life has circumferenced....my attraction for water as a kid….being deprived of my “Valiant aka suicidal” acts….and now back to a place which transcends all boundaries!!

Books are such a powerful source of making one drift into a world away from their own! Excerpts from the book “A long way gone….memoirs of a lost soldier” reminded me of the first time I set footage into this country that I now call “Home away from Home” .....USA. Being an adulterated Hindu eating meat, my first experiences in seeking something that would serve as a proper meal was in the cafeteria in my University….which not only edified me with the terminologies related to food and dealing with the servers but also mutated my taste buds to suit the needs and adapt to the “In Rome Eat the Roman” way of dining!
After a survey and confident of having made the right choice for lunch, I decided to go for the “Cheese” burger which I assumed to be nothing but a chunky piece of cheese with a few veggies sandwiched between bread/bun (latter being the Indian way of addressing to bread in a burger) that I would savor with ketchup….alas…that excitement barely lasted for minutes until the first bite when I realized that the devious “cheese” in the burger was nothing but a misnomer and that it actually equated to meat that was consumed like cheese in America while on the contrast was a taboo for the “Hindus” in India…..BEEF!!! That was my first te-a-te with beef ….. an experience beyond words as while chewing, I too felt like a cow ruminating….chewing on heavy and hard fodder….to develop a taste for relishing it!!! My next step in exploring the food world was a term that only I would have understood if I had been the chef …..I always insisted for a “Chicken burger”….now the chicken made sense but what did I mean by burger which is a term used with cheese burger?? Did I mean that I wanted a concoction of chicken and beef on my sandwich or was I confused in knowing what I wanted for lunch? No wonder I received bewildered looks from the servers when I used my own terms….as I would force them to think that they either heard me wrong or I spoke a language that was foreign or I asked for something that they would have to invent for me!!! The minute I would read their faces I would immediately change my choice to a soup or a salad that held the same meaning in all the dictionaries alike. Least did I know that it was supposed to be a “Chicken Sandwich” or a “Cheese Burger” and not a cocktail!!!
Fortunately….soon enough….guidance from people I knew (and didn’t) elevated me to a platform where both the parties – me and the person opposite to me could comprehend each other…. not in sign language but via grammatically correct English....afterall that’s all it takes for Survival of the Fittest!!!

A GIRL child is born….. antediluvian times marked the girl child as being the advent of either Goddess Lakshmi into the house or a burden depending on the financial status of the family or the status of literacy!!! Twenty first century led most if not all into an era where the girl was considered no different from boys and was given the same prerogatives and privileges in the household as a boy child or possibly more pampering for being Daddy’s Little Angel!!! As the angel grows up her parents nurture her in a well knitted niche, an enclosed protected environment, in a sense of immaculate security, warmth, emotional support and the other peripheral nitty gritties to ensure the blossoming of a feather touch bud into a robust, will powered and a socially sound individual!!! As their little darling ventures into the realms of adulthood, and starts to decide for herself, parents are apprehensive of letting their invisible leash go off their hands although they rejoice and ardently hope that their baby (who always retains the status of a baby in the eyes of her parents) is heading in the right direction by making the right decisions governing her life….. while little is known what the future has in store…..Time passes by and the little angel insulated in the cocoon of her papa is handed over to yet another “so called” papa figure…..there comes the Grand OR….the “NOT SO” grand after a while entry of this character called the HUSBAND!!!!!

To begin with….the “HUS” band is all about I am all for you and none else…..I am your protector until death…..being a father figure (in metaphorical terms)…..You are beautiful to me the way you are….I will truly in literal sense act as your second half, lending a helping hand, dividing sorrows, multiplying the happiness……making the necessary compromises and molding into a better person for a better family…..sharing all aspects of life….a friend in need or not…in a crux….a TRUE COMPANION in all facets!! Well all these hyped, flattery, flowery, diabetic, pompous words tend to take the route of being converted into actions until and a little after the “BOY” in a “GIRL’S” life upgrades himself to the status of “THE MAN” in a “WOMAN’S” life.....the first rain and those little words hold no weightage!!!! Is it true that the second man in a woman’s life after the first (her father who doted on her) would truly in all senses replace and become the first man eventually or does he take the woman so much for granted as he dusts off his sandy promises that he deteriorates from being so close to being the first man to not being a MAN at all???? It is now when the “HUS” Band tends to start reflecting the attributes of and become legible to be entitled the honor of being addressed as a “HAS”Band!!!

There have been escalating evidences of men behaving ruthlessly with their dutiful wives not only in their states of marginal or negligible receptivity which can be accounted for and explained, for HE, The Superior Sex is immersed in….alcohol to suppress his sense of inferiority, BUT, also in their complete state of sense and sensibility….which I would explicate as a means to just re-establish to others and to themselves the long suppressed Male Chauvinism (MCP’s as we women aptly address them as!)…..and to prove a point that might necessarily not make any sense….but still since it is “HE” who is stating it…. well….it HAS to be accepted or else BAM BAM….there goes the woman’s face smashing against anything that comes in her way!! The woman would never ever have in her nearest nightmares have visualized her “HUS”band turning into a “HARSH”band!!!! Does seeking help from one’s MAN at times of need….when the woman is entangled into other businesses of the household and when the MAN is doing nothing but enjoying the wild cats on Nat Geo or the phony WWF wrestling OR is lazing giving orders to his “Love” a crime that he uses anything he is holding or can get a hold of to thrash the shock stricken woman of the house??? Or is it that “HE” finds it demeaning to be helping around on the home front when supposedly house caretaking is a “WOMAN’S JOB???!!!!” Who on earth made such preposterous rules and why should the woman be regarded nothing but a piece of shit or why should only she give in to all the whims and fancies of her so called “ COMPANION”…..while he just enjoys all the Maharaja treatment????!!!! Why cant MEN try and realize that life would be better enjoyed and understood and lived to its zenith if they throw some little respect to the opposite sex rather than humiliating them….a teaspoonful of acknowledgement to the woman for being there to sow up the broken strings in the family…a tablespoon of trust….a pinch of support….and garnish the dish by being nothing but just a BEST FRIEND to the woman??? Why?? Why?? Why??

Shattered are the dreams of the woman
For her Man was not a Man afterall
Strewn are the wishes of the father
For the father figure wasn’t even a human
Dejected are the hopes of the family
For the family ties remain loose ended
For there lies a decision so carefully plucked and trusted
Out in the dry barren sands of time
Vulnerable, wrecked, and disillusioned!!!

Last evening…was an evening spent making BIG plans for the night…venturing out for a nice dinner to Greek Town to celebrate my roomie’s bro’s stay in Chicago…ooh…..U wish that plans would work out the way u desire them to be!!! Finally with every moment transitioning from dusk to night….the plan got sucked into a quicksand with a bunch of languid sloths burning their pockets for rounds of Texas Hold’em and listening to the chillin playlist…..that played just the right concoction of songs to suit the “Poker Mood”!!

Soon I was transitioned into 10years into my past when my ears widened to that of the size of an elephant with a song that I had not heard for years and a song that me and my sister used to wait for hours and hours to be played on “MTV or Vchannel”. Hoping that the song would be played on one of the music channels we used to flip channels at the speed of light….discouraging all our family members from gaining access to their favourite channels….those were the days when me and my second sister used to have our study schedules….when she used to coax me in taking 15minute naps with her….merely for the sake of company….so that she doesn’t feel guilty of not studying when I am……that inevitably used to extend to multiples of 15…60, 90,120 whatever!!! Those were the days when all 3 sisters….used to share the same bed….trying to create our own very niche that would extend to an inch more than the allotted space (on either side)….being the youngest of the three musketeers, I was bullied to sleep in the middle while both my thug sisters would sleep lavishly on either sides of the bed……those were the days when inexorably no matter how much space my eldest sister received on one side of the bed she would push me with the chain reaction of pushing my second sister yelling that “ I don’t have any space to sleep….my entire leg is out of the bed”…HAH…wake up to inspect and you would barely find her little toe peeping out of the bedsheet, leave alone the BED!!! Those were the days when life had not only made us walk on fire but also taught us to laugh it off for life’s ups are never appreciated without its counterpart “Downs”!!

Soon….the realization of having lost to my opponents caused my brain to twist a whole 360degrees to the year 2007….to touch base with the fact that time has flown rocket speed and that I should too, to retaliate for the transitioned moments!!!

Ignorance is Bliss…..is a statement that I truly long to apply in my life although its next to being impossible as that phase of life comes only once……Childhood!!!
Reading my sister’s blog on her childhood days this morning combined with the rain that almost drenched me transitioned me into a totally different world….that period of my life when everything was just what it was at face value….nothing intricate!!! Wish I had a time machine that would allow me to take a trip back to days of pure simple fun whenever nostalgia would cloud my mind.
Every summer during my schooling days I used to eagerly wait for the trip that me and my family would take to meet my grandparents in Trivandrum. The very moment with the onset of the train journey when I used to pester my father for cutlets and a steaming hot cup of filter coffee (every few minutes) which was a taboo by my mother for a lame reason that I would turn as dark as the coffee (yeah right)..…well she has the same ban for me now after 20 some years of my life…..to the very end of the journey culminating in my grandfather’s arms was an experience beyond words!! The rest of the days would just swish by with my grandfather trying to get me behave in his terms and conditions and me being the little one and the pampered would find ways to evade everything he would want me to do in a manner that would not offend him….although I would efficiently find time to nitpick to my grandpa about the deplorable nicknames my father used to address me just to irritate me…….so that he could be reprimanded……Hmmmmm…….those were the good old days of my life……
As and when a strong blow of rain intermingled with the wind shook me from one nostalgic moment….I immediately seeped into another one and another until I realized that I was the last one to hop off the bus…..my own sweet mirage being disillusioned with just one song crossing my mind….Koi Lauta de mere beete hue din(Someone return my sweet old days!)…….

Can people ever be content with what life has in store for them or will they constantly be on the lookout for something...that something which they themselves are unsure & unaware of, but there lingers a feeling that if that something is achieved then probably life will be/might be a shade better than what they already are experiencing!!
Week passes by and if I take a moment to quietly think of what has been achieved....on a smaller note...yeah I accomplished what I had planned for but on a larger picture....WHAT?? To me it seems like all of us behave like tuned puppets where we wake up to see the light of the day and no matter how we feel we begin the rigmarole by confronting people with an amicable behaviour and a pleasant face.....work to accomplish the unforeseen or for mere survival ….and by the end of daylight we are fatigued by the nitty gritties…compensate our tiredness with a little some entertainment to finally retire into a comfortable fulfilling sleep to rejuvenate for yet another monotonous schedule…..all this for what??? Are we truly heading in the right direction towards making a sensible contribution into the future which is yet to unfurl??
If I ask myself whether I am "CONTENT" with my life....my answer would be a vague…probably NOT….what is it that I am lacking.....I guess I don’t know and I wouldn’t know until "THE MOMENT" when what is lacking makes a surprise visit!!!
What is our ultimate goal in our lives? What are we thriving for? What meaning does this living have? Are we all here to fulfill some pre-set duties or are we here to decide our mission for ourselves?? Destiny…as most of us would like to designate for any bewildering moments….do we carve our own destiny or is it what we call an “Eyewash” where one feels victorious in having conquered the unconquerable while on the other hand destiny is just waiting to make us realize how foolish we were??!! While I am on a quest to find answers to these unsolved mysteries I leave you here for more intricate and intertwined thoughts to sprout!!!